On shyness

[lirion]

Been meaning to post about this for awhile now:

From a post by drjon:

"If someone who appears to you to be outgoing, tells you that they are shy, believe them. What you are seeing is their performance face, their coping mechanisms. It may come over as arrogance, be expressed as sarcasm, be over ebullient, or talking too much. It may exhaust them so much that they can't think too straight about the reality of a situation while they are 'performing'. It may not be a good coping mechanism. But it is not proof that they have lied about their shyness."

Just because a lot of people don't see it - I'm good at hiding in plain sight or something - doesn't mean it's not there. However I've finally come to understand that how I feel inside doesn't necessarily reflect in my outward interactions.
Still, this statement resonates.

Comments

[travisjhall.livejournal.com]

It is actually quite common for introverts to be mistaken for extroverts. Being introverted means having to develop techniques to cope with people, and some people learn to do this very well. So, sometimes people skills are the result of introversion, not extroversion.

I've been told many times that I'm an extrovert, which is very far from the truth.

[umbra-mentis.livejournal.com]

So very, very true - I'm extremely shy and the thought of meeting new people makes me a nervous wreck. However I have pretty good social skills (even if I do say so myself :) and they only exist because I knew I had to deal with the rest of the world somehow. Most of my social ability comes from working in retail and customer service industries where I *had* to at least appear friendly and welcoming. Most people would laugh to hear me say I'm an introvert but that's only because they can't see me holding my fears in check.

[sandypawozbun.livejournal.com]

Agreed. The amount of times people say to me something like, 'You're an interovert!?!? No way. You're so outgoing.

Yes, I am outgoing when I need to. I had to learn to be outgoing so kids didn't spit and bbq me in the playground. It was a learned behaviour, and is certainly not natural.

Although I seem to have no trouble talking to a complete stranger on the internet. :/ Hi!

[lirion.livejournal.com]

Also, for me introversion is a lot about valuing my time alone - I recharge by having solitary time. This doens't mean I can't function around people, but it's not where I source my people energy from.

And if I've been doing a lot of social stuff I start to not function as well until I take a break from folk.